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Co-parenting sucks ass.

I mean we do a pretty ok job at it but it's still so hard and so frustrating. The kids and I live in Texas and their father lives in Chicago. Some people ask why I would take the kids so far away from him. #1 reason I had to get away, to be safe and for my own mental health and of course the kids would not benefit from us always fighting. So I have always told my sister I wanted to live in a warm state. So she seen how much of a mess I was and told me, "Pick a city, and I will go with you". So I had to pick a city that was warm (for my happiness and my daughters health), a city with Lilian's specialty hospital (Shriners), a city that was cheaper (obviously Chicago is expensive), and a city with a school for me (I was taking classes for ASL Interpreting). And Houston, TX won! It had all we needed. He definitely didn't want us to go so when you get divorced there is a rule that you cannot move more than 25 miles away without the other parents permission or you have to go to a judge and ask to move. I'm not sure if it counts for the parent who does not have physical custody of the kids. So he took me to court. I made sure I had all my paperwork and research done when I got to court. The judge was a total asshole. We both made court dates but his came first so he made it look like I was trying to run away with the kids. The judge did not care about our past of violence and restraining orders. The judge did not care that we would have a better life in a place I can afford. The judge did not care that I had a better paying job waiting for me. Or that it was a safer city for my kids to grow up in. It literally came down to my daughters health. If it was not for her health issues the judge wouldn't of allowed me to move. He said, "I don't care about your life, but I do believe your daughter will be able to have a better life there, so I'm granting you permission to move". I think it was unfair that my ex-husband can leave his family while I have no job. Leave me to take care of our 2 kids on my own. Go start a new life and go to school without ever worrying about his own kids. But yet I try and move to better our life and I have to get permission to leave the damn state. Anyways the court system fucking sucks ass. Well the terms for me being able to move to Texas was that he gets the kids winter break, spring break, and the whole summer. And he can fly to see them any time he wants with a weeks notice. We been here for over 3 years and he's only come down once. Anyways, I have never tried to keep my kids from their father. I always called to say hey your son asked for you today do you want to come get him. And he always had better things to do. I always made sure he knew what was happening in school or at the doctors for them. When they learned to ride two-wheeler bikes I shared pics with him. Every holiday I sent pics. School pics and school events I always informed him. We both were at their birthday parties, even though I paid for the parties. I sent him report cards. I ALWAYS told him what was happening in his kids lives. But he gave very little effort into being a dad. Still to this day I always call and discuss what is going on with the kids and how we should take care of it. But I am starting to back off of these super ex-wife duties and see what happens. Number 1 thing is I have not sent him any report cards or progress reports for my daughter only. He favors our son. And he has seen our sons but hasn't even asked for our daughters grades. There is more reason why I don't send it but he doesn't know that. She has been dealing with anxiety and depression and she went from an AP student to completely failing all her classes. So I want to protect her from the shit he will talk if he knew what was happening in school. It was a very bad first semester, but her meds are working and she's pretty much getting back on track! But I also don't send him school pics anymore because I pay for them. I only inform him of serious stuff like my daughter taking anxiety meds since she will be taking them at his house too. He doesn't even know the kids best friends names. Or what they do day to day. He doesn't even know what time their bedtime is or what time they get out of school. I think I have gone above and beyond co-parenting with him and he is not putting the effort in so I won't either. My Son will be 11 years old in 4 days and my daughter will be 16 years old in 5 weeks. They both have phones and he can get ahold of them any time he wants. I can't always be the bigger person. I am not his wife to force him to do things or remind him about an event for the kids. That is not my job anymore. If he wants to be apart of his kids lives he knows where they are at and how to get ahold of them.


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