To co-parent or not to co-parent
I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and try and find the good in people. Which most of the time screws me over. People like to use the phrase "I can change". But I don't think people change unless they actually learn and show growth throughout their daily life. My ex/kids father has never showed me any growth yet I give him chances to be a good father. Or try and help him be a better father.
I grew up without my father and it was a very stressful situation. #1 he was an alcoholic #2 my mom loves to fight with him. So they always made things hard on us. Talking shit about the other in front of us. Sending us with messages for the other. And getting in between their arguments. This had us in tears all the time and talking sides.
I did not want this for my kids. I want my kids to have their father in there life and the love and support they need from him. And yes I can provide everything my kids need but there is something special between a child and their father that I can't provide and I wanted my kids to have that. Whether you agree with this or not, even kids who did not grow up with their father in their life end up asking about them or questioning why they are not around.
I tried my best for them to have a good relationship. Many people praise him on how amazing of a father he is just because he pays child support and court ordered visitation. "Wow you have the kids the whole summer?" Like if he deserves a medal. How about I have them their whole life. I just can't be the good guy anymore. I'm done being his aid in helping him find ways to be involved him in his kids life. Shit I could send my kids to a summer camp and they get more out of it then the summers they spend with him. You have to be a real active part in you child's life. He doesn't know their personality, their strengths, their weaknesses, their fears, who their best friends are, their favorite foods, or anything that goes on in their daily lives. When he has them, I call them every other day just because I don't want to interrupt the time they have with him. And he gets mad cause I call too much and question them on what they are doing. Ummm I need to make sure my kids are eating well and not misbehaving or disrespecting their father or his girl friend. Since he lets them walk all over him. But when the kids are with me, my daughter never gets a call from him and my son gets calls a few times a week so they can talk about video games.
He came to Texas to see our sons first Lacrosse game. And me trying to be super mom instead of just keeping my distance and staying away, I think its a good time to discuss what's going on with the kids. My daughter is suffering from depression and anxiety and wasn't doing so well in school. And I finally told him what's going on. (in the divorce and agreement to move here I have to share the kids report card with him. Which I haven't since he didn't ask. Now he's asking I had to tell him) And as expected he flipped out on me that its my fault for moving here. We been here 3 years I don't think that's the problem. He says depression is a way of life and its my fault she's depressed and that's just an excuse to fail her classes. The more I try and involve him turns into fights and stress for me. I'm upset that I finally got the point that he could never be the father that my kids deserve. But I'm done. I have been trying to remove the negativity out of our lives and he's one of the last pieces. I'm gonna just back away from this.
We always try and help people but you just can't help someone who doesn't think there is a problem. And he thinks he's a great father. We make excuses why they don't do what they should. Well he didn't have a father and nobody showed him how to be a dad. WTF do you think I went to a magic class that showed me how to be a mom. I didn't have a good mom. So I evaluated everything in my life just to make sure I didn't follow in her footsteps. I taught myself. Just like you can't force a friend to be there for you or your man to stay with you. YOU CAN'T FORCE A MAN TO BE A FATHER. Just do you best to provide everything your kids need yourself and everything will be less stressful.